i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
