I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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