My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
