I'm sorry my penis didn't work
smell my finger.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
