Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
