She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
