If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize