I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
