somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
