So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
