He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
