I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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