He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
