I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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