Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
