Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize