I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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