I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
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You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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