His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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