I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
