Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
