Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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