A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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