i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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