He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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