I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
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He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
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That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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