you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
