just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
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I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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