Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
