I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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