His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
