Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
