i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
