I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
