PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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