he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
