That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
