I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We are all done wearing pants today
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
