I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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