you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
