I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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