I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
