I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
