I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
