We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
