eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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