she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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