This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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