i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
