dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
