I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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