I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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