I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
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i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
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i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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