...so i touched it.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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