I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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