At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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