Im at strip club and am horny
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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