Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
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it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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