She said her name was "party"
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
