She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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