dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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