You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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