I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
