She's JV to your varsity
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
