the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
