i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
