I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
