I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
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And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
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I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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