and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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