Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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