He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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