so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just want nice things and good sex
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
