you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
