just come out here and I will go home with you...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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