Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
