i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I think people are normalizing furries
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
