If that was your dad, he is hot
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
