Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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