he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
