so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
